Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
