sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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