Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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