It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
