im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
