Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
