The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
