i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
