we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize