You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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