where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
