Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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