my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
