You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
