I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the day after is always just damage control
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
