did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
