You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
