Dual....:-)
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
