Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
