I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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