sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
