Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
