you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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