It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
