Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
