hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
