I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
