Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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