Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
