The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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