Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
