My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize