look no pants
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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