Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
