Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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