so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
