I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
