Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
