she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
