so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
