Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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