Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
