I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
