tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
