New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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