My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
