he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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