I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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