girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
