I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
